Failing at the balancing act

Being a grown up is a total buzz kill. All i want to do is be me. Be carefree. Be goofy and silly and love everything about life. In high school i was this fun person. I felt like i was a magnet that people were drawn to. They saw me as this carefree chick who just laughed her way through life. And i did. I was that person. But along the way being responsible has taken that away. Worrying about how to pay the bills or how to have a life without money ( which is virtually impossible) has taken away the ability to be free. I want to e me and just have fun being that person who everyone loves n have fun expressing who i am without much care. I feel like i cant have both. I cant balance the two. I cant be me and be responsible at the same time and yet i cant not be responsible. Its frustrating tho because i feel like there r some people who have figured it out, who can be themselves n be responsible and be happy. Idk . Maybe im just rambling tonight. I miss the old me and i want more than anything to just let it all go and have fun be the girl i once was... Will i ever figure it out? How to balance the two?